today was absolutely horrible. it was just a shitty day. and kara wasn't in history and it made it THAT much worse. sigh. i didn't get too much homework though. i know when i get like this it can only mean one thing: my period is coming. thank god it's only one time a month. i can't help but get scared that maybe i'll be this way forever and ever and i'll lose all my friends and die alone..but again, it's just the period talking.
i dropped off my hackney's application today with ann and i really really REALLY hope i get the damn job. i just really need it and i think that maybe i feel a little overwhelmed with school sometimes and that maybe it'd be better if i worked on weekdays? i dunno, i know it doesn't make sense, but i think i'd be happier working more. having a few more things on my mind maybe would help? once again, i'm an idiot.
the weekend kicked ass, i don't want it to be over. it was seriously like the perfect combination: friday i got to hang out with adam, then saturday i had work and saw all the seniors, which was nice, then i got to hang out with amy, then went to jess and jen's, then sunday job hunted. it was just nice and i got lost amongst the perfect weekend world. and now, now i'm back in hell. and it sucks. until friday..
i miss adam. i don't really even care anymore about you fucks who are all "god, all she talks about is adam". but i really miss him and i wanna call him. and i think next time i see him i'll just be soo happy and RIGHT when he walks up to the door, i'm gonna give him a nice big hug. and i don't care what you people think, i don't think he's ugly. i think you shallow people are uglier than everyone else. and i think adam's cute. and i don't think you need to have a perfect fucking body and a perfect fucking face to be considered cute.
and i think some of the people who i consider to be mean and shallow, i'm just kind of done with them. at least one person for sure, and the other person, i don't know because i know they don't like me anymore and their embarrassed to be my friend. and i think if we continued to have a friendship, they'd just make me feel even more horrible about myself, and i think i'm sick of feeling shitty. i don't HAVE to deal with it, and now they don't either. i'm even sad about it. i'm really fucking sad about it, especially that we were really close before, and they can't fucking look past anything to just be my friend. i laugh loud; i get fucking yelled at, no more im's, no more anything. it's just fucking done and i know their fucking happy about it too.
and i know molly was upset today and molly, i don't think you're stupid. AT ALL. i hope you feel better about everything because when you're sad, i am. i looooooove you.
and i love all my other friends too. you know, the ones that actually like me for me. thank you for not being embarrassed of me, and not making me feel like a shitty person.
school gets out in 9 days and I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT. next tuesday is the alumni coffee house and i'm so psyched. ahhhh, like i can't fucking wait til it comes.
i'm sorry for bitching everyone. wait, no i'm not.